November 30th...

I had four days of quiet...4 days off with family for thanksgiving...and it was nice.  I painted...and played and relaxed..and we delivered meals to the less fortunate thanksgiving morning.  it was quiet...the latest painting is called blood on my hands/ woman with dirty face.  it is still a work in progress...she started out scary and now i am embracing the the process...I am still on the floor and my cat still watches...and the music plays..one day closer to completion.  Funny I thought that yesterday was December 1st...i was so excited...and to find out that it is only November 30th..which is still nice..
i have been in a funk
that is the way life revolves around here.
you win some you lose some
i have lost a lot recently
but i will keep fighting
i will survive to live another day
another life
i am sure of it...

painting a picture

i dont paint on the easel or on a table...i am usually in the prone position on the floor almost in worship to the god of acrylic. the closer i can get to the ground the better i feel..the strokes across the canvas get lost in the process of creating...in my minds eye i see what i want to throw down and yet in the realm of reality what comes out is different...more loss for words freedom...what ever it is it is almost an unconscious act of creation that drives me to my knees to get lost in the swirling the dipping the colors the rhapsody of the picture...it is like an adventure...a trip and i never know the out come until it announces that it is finished...(when i am in the painting mood the cat will come and watch...funny that it is so...is he my secret muse...?) one day i will paint in the lines...the pictures that i have drawn...but for now i will just paint how i was made to paint...the whimsy the colors the lostness and found...the dreams and hopes...the beauty and pain...
almost forgot about the music...the music and the painting go hand in hand...one with out the other is not complete...

abysmal pit

the emotions that i carry around sometimes get in the way...they are the chains and the wings to my life.  they are the essence of creativity and the welling of emotions.  when i love i love deeply.  when i see i see fully.  it has not always been so.  there are times when the pit of darkness calls and it is easier to stay there and not let the light in.  and then i hear life gently knocking on the door...rallying a cry of get up...get out...come see...
sometimes i wonder that as an artist if we have a different lens or sense of the here and now.  sometimes i want to hold up my hand and say look look at how blue the sky is...look look at how red the apple is...look look at how orange the sky is.  emotions...we, you, me, i...all jumbled together is this conglomerate that i call life..it took many years to get to today...dont let me close my eyes to todays wonders please dont let me be burdened by todays chains...let me embrace the good and the bad...and just be...to paint it to write it to pray it to believe it to love it to dream it...