the whipping post has come out and the place to safely beat it is here. i am tired again...and not because of the whirlwind of drama and lama songs...but because of the what ifs and trusts that i chose to ignore. so compile all of that into one long drawn out overly wrought out of proportion incident and i am over it. it becomes this ambiguous word that tends to have more teeth then i want to give it credit for. teeth to keep me awake...teeth that gnaw at fears...the it...and yet despite it and the pain i am confronted by this delicious if not overwhelming sweet joy...a balancing act i suppose...the view of interior workings of the psyche in the exterior world. the secret that i hold is that i can see beyond what others see...i can quickly feel what is beneath the surface...i dont let on...i just let it be. so this is my whipping post my thoughts my ramblings my mind...the words that are so aft to flow through this heart yet so quick to die on my lips...courage i need to find...love i already have...truth i fully embrace...the journey the myriad of the soul...i used to run from but today i am letting it be...real...really really real. i dont have it all together...the pain is immense...and then the joy of a simple sunrise makes the pain forgotten for a brief second...
I read this last night....and it is a part of ME
BirdWings by Rumi
Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you’re bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
if it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting
and expanding,
The two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.
