painting a picture

i dont paint on the easel or on a table...i am usually in the prone position on the floor almost in worship to the god of acrylic. the closer i can get to the ground the better i feel..the strokes across the canvas get lost in the process of creating...in my minds eye i see what i want to throw down and yet in the realm of reality what comes out is different...more loss for words freedom...what ever it is it is almost an unconscious act of creation that drives me to my knees to get lost in the swirling the dipping the colors the rhapsody of the picture...it is like an adventure...a trip and i never know the out come until it announces that it is finished...(when i am in the painting mood the cat will come and watch...funny that it is so...is he my secret muse...?) one day i will paint in the lines...the pictures that i have drawn...but for now i will just paint how i was made to paint...the whimsy the colors the lostness and found...the dreams and hopes...the beauty and pain...
almost forgot about the music...the music and the painting go hand in hand...one with out the other is not complete...

abysmal pit

the emotions that i carry around sometimes get in the way...they are the chains and the wings to my life.  they are the essence of creativity and the welling of emotions.  when i love i love deeply.  when i see i see fully.  it has not always been so.  there are times when the pit of darkness calls and it is easier to stay there and not let the light in.  and then i hear life gently knocking on the door...rallying a cry of get up...get out...come see...
sometimes i wonder that as an artist if we have a different lens or sense of the here and now.  sometimes i want to hold up my hand and say look look at how blue the sky is...look look at how red the apple is...look look at how orange the sky is.  emotions...we, you, me, i...all jumbled together is this conglomerate that i call life..it took many years to get to today...dont let me close my eyes to todays wonders please dont let me be burdened by todays chains...let me embrace the good and the bad...and just be...to paint it to write it to pray it to believe it to love it to dream it...

some pictures from last summer...

i did it again

against all odds...i stood next to you on the fence...i watched you move.  with baited breath and dreams unfulfilled in my heart of us and of you.  i saw the fierce determination...the spring in your step and the intensity in your spirit as you paced up and down the line...and i watched with rapt emotion trying to pick up on some clue that you might know that you were loved...and then i saw you...your fierceness and your eyes for a brief moment...you let the protectful helmet out of your grasp though there were hundreds of sounds surrounding us...i heard the sound of the helmet hitting the ground...the uncertainty the crack in the amour...the crash of the helmet on the ground...the faltering second of your grasp...the slight slump of your shoulders...i wanted to cry out and tell you it is fine...you are loved you are wonderful...but you quickly recovered...and started pacing again...the caged wolf...